Good evening. Tonight, as a 1400 hours military time, I can report to America, the world,

and the folks here at the Sizzler Steakhouse on Canyon Ranch Road that I've personally

overseen a strategic and covert operation that killed the Gofer who's been tearing up

my backyard. This Gofer has been responsible for terrorizing Laura's fruit trees and digging

up holes all over the yard, causing me to trip and fall over them no less than 15 times

a day.

T-B-T-L!

We're full of big huge announcements today. Maybe none bigger than this. It is time for

a Wednesday afternoon edition of T-B-T-L, the show that's probably too beautiful to live.

It could be worse, but I'm not sure how.

My name is Luke Burbank. I am your host weighing in at 184 pounds. This episode 809 in a collector's

series.

Hi, this is Luke, Mom, Suzy, coming tonight on T-B-T-L.

And we've got all kinds of stuff for you. Yes, I did visit the violent torpedo of truth

failure is not an option, although sometimes a major consideration, also known as the Charlie

Sheen show last night.

I am on a drug. It's called Charlie Sheen.

Give you a full review of that. Also, you know, today is May 4th, and that means it's

May 4th. Be with you as in Happy Star Wars Day.

I thought they smelled bad. On the outside.

We'll talk about the economics of the Death Star and whether or not it made sense thanks

to the folks at overthinkingit.com. Also, there's a new study out that says women cry more

...