Welcome to Deadcast, a podcast taking you through the week of sports lunacy.

Here are Deadspin, editor-in-chief Tim Marchman and columnist Drew McGarry.

Welcome back, everybody. Welcome back to the Deadcast. I'm Drew.

That's Marshman over there. We're back from vacation. Well, I was on vacation, although I was

technically not on vacation because I was caring for small children. So we have a lot to talk about, Mr. Marchman. Are you excited for

45 minutes of strong talking and lively discussion? I'm vigorously excited, man.

All right. Let's see that. Before we get to anything, we're going to close the circle on the self-aggrandizing celebration of me going on Chops last week. Marshman has a few questions, and he is representing the body populace when he is asking me these questions about when I was on Chopped. And Marshman, I had to sign a non-disclosure agreement, so they'd take my balls if I tell you too much.

So trying to keep it, you know, try to make sure I don't get sued out of this, all right? All right, ask me whatever you want. And you're going to ask me about the fucking shirt, so just ask about the shirt. Yeah, the shirt's all anyone wants to know about, man. No one cares that you won't chop. They want to know what's up with the shirt. Where did you get it? Why did you wear it? Did it have sentimental value, nostalgic value, a present from your children? Was it supposed to bring good tidings to you? What's up with it? No, it was just a shirt. Like, I bought it at Macy's for like 20 bucks because I needed a shirt. Like, bought two actually. Like one was it was like there

was another striped one but it was like a different color like different color stripes. You know what I

mean? So I had two of it. So I had shirts like I looked at it. I was like, oh, they weren't identical.

They were they were fraternal twins. They were. That's exactly right. They were fraternal twin

dipshit polo shirts and they they looked all right

and i should you like every time i bring something home if i buy it i show it to the wife and she's like

yeah that's all right or she'll make me return it like 90% of the time i have to go return it but i need i

needed shirts so i go on i get the shirt and then for the amateur episode they're like just wear what you would normally wear when you're cooking. So I had the shirt. And I was like, all right, well, I'll just, I'll just put on the shirt. It didn't seem like, I didn't know it was going to be a scandalous shirt. I just thought it was a fucking shirt, you know? So you looked in your closet and you looked at all your shirts. And you said, this is the one I want millions of people to see me in. This is what's going to make me look good.

I just, I didn't, you know what? If I had worn anything, somebody would have made fun of it no matter what. Like I make fun of people on the internet so people would have made fun. If, if the shirt had been acceptable, people would have been like, hey, look at those pants.

Nice blue pants, blue pant man. Hey, everybody, look at the guy with the fancy blue pants and the hair. What a loser. Like, it wouldn't, like, it wouldn't have mattered whatever I had done. Because you know the other thing, Marchman, is, like, there's no improving this look.

Like, I'm just... whatever I had done. Because you know, the other thing, Marchman, is, like, there's no,

there's no improving this look. Like, I'm just, I'm just pasty and have a long neck, like a giraffe,

and I have frizzy hair. There's nothing that I can really do to improve this all that much.

If I wear, if I wore a t-shirt, my neck would be too long. If I wore a suit, I'd look like a seventh grader going to church for Christmas. There's just nothing, there's nothing to improve it. So whatever I wear, it's going to look inherently silly because I'm doing the fucking thumb dance with it. Now, let's talk about that thumb dance. Was that spontaneous or rehearsed? That was spontaneous. That was all Drew. That was my pure celebration dance. Like, you know, like, it's like the end of the show. Have you done that before? I don't know. Yeah, probably. I don't know. So you do that a lot. Like, I'm just, you have to understand, like, understand like you're there's a camera at you and if you're not someone who's trained in being in front of a camera

you don't quite know how to react you sort of freeze up and you're like uh what do I do with my arms

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