Episode 489 - Dick on SantaCon
The Dick Show
Dick Masterson
4.7 • 1.3K Ratings
🗓️ 15 December 2025
⏱️ 142 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Santa rips me off, endangered plants and the Malibu fire, Nick Funetes rapes Piers Morgan, a cholo tries to shake me down, H1-B teachers, the Gravedigger calls in, how to cremate fat people, haunted toys, Luigi Mangione's to-do list, and China lays down the law on delusional women; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | It's a very real conspiracy. Let's just, let's leave it at that. You can be sure of that. If there's one thing I'm sure of in this world, it is that. It's legit, man. I know my meat. I know when I'm getting skimped on meat. I could smell it. I could, I pick up the me, the deli meats. I know something's up with this. I know that they're rounding up. I know that they're rounding up. Fucking me over. It's bullshit. Seven meats, that's unacceptable. People are going to think this is the same episode as last week because I'm still talking about the meat, but... What's still. Sitting on the day. Sitting right there. |
| 0:40.7 | They're fucking around, man. They're fucking around with everything. |
| 0:43.4 | They're fucking around with the meat. They fucked me. |
| 0:45.7 | Santa fucked me. Santa fucked me. Santa |
| 0:48.9 | fucked you? Santa Claus. |
| 0:51.3 | Fucked me. Did he rave you? |
| 0:53.1 | Rick Caruso. You know that dickbag, Rick Caruso? |
| 0:56.6 | That realtor guy that hired, like, hired up a bunch of private firemen to put out his precious mall, the Americanas or whatever. |
| 1:05.2 | Or the one of the Palisades? |
| 1:07.2 | Classic. |
| 1:08.1 | Classic fucking dickbag. |
| 1:11.7 | It's just Anarchy out here |
| 1:12.6 | Mm-hmm |
| 1:13.6 | So what happened with Santa |
| 1:15.7 | Everyone needs that fucking water man |
| 1:17.4 | I don't it doesn't give it we don't give a fuck that you hired |
| 1:19.9 | Private Fireman is that they're using their |
| 1:22.0 | fucking water that everyone needs right |
| 1:24.3 | You fucking asshole you fat piece of shit |
| 1:26.9 | It's that you're not It's that you have never been out in the front line saying, |
| 1:30.9 | man, we can't put these idiots in power. |
| 1:33.1 | They just fuck up constantly. |
... |
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