Welcome to Just Break Up, the podcast about love, heartbreak, and all the relationship

advice you don't want to hear.

My name is Sierra de Mulder.

And I'm Sam Blackwell.

And today we're going to answer a letter from somebody who is

hoping to unlock more intimacy with his partner. But before we begin we just want to

give you our Surgeon General's warning which is that Sierra and I are not

licensed mental health practitioners. No we are not we are not professionals we are not

trained in and give this so please take our advice as you see fit we're only here to

offer our humble musings so we've had some understanding and maybe some laughs about the incredibly

rewarding but mostly confusing experience that is love.

All right our letter today comes from Rex who's pronounced are He-Hym, who is writing from Los Angeles, California.

My partner, she, her, and I have been going together since our sophomore year of college.

We started dating at age 19 and have been together going on 12

years. Last summer I had complained to a mutual friend of ours that I was not

feeling super fulfilled in the relationship. This friend then went and told my partner without me

knowing. So I get home from work that week to a deeply upset and angry partner.

She's livid and feels caught off guard. I'm nearly speechless because at that time I really didn't have the language to explain why I was feeling what I was feeling.

I thought I was merely venting to a friend and hoping to get some affirmation or feedback.

Regardless, this event kicked off weeks of yelling and crying at each other.

Sadly, this was probably the most vulnerable we had been with each other in 12 years. I would say

that both of us are very avoidant and do not have the tools or skills right now

...