Episode 397 - The Dr. Cloud Show - Fake It Till You Make It

The Boundaries.me Podcast

Greg Bowler

Religion & Spirituality, Henrycloud, Gaslighting, Productivity, Mentalhealth, Boundaries, Faith, Leadership, Drhenrycloud, Christiancounseling, Psychology, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Counseling, Christianity, Narcissism, Relationships, Drcloud

4.7 • 815 Ratings

🗓️ 4 March 2024

⏱️ 65 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

While of course being your authentic self is always a good idea, "faking it" can be an incredible tool. Dr. Henry Cloud talks about the psychological power that comes from faking it till you make it. Whenever a new task is put in front of you that you don’t know exactly how to do, this technique can be used to give you the confidence you’ll need to learn. When we are put in a position where we don’t have the requisite understanding or skills to perform, the process of faking it till you make it can help you avoid the feeling of being an imposter. Imposter syndrome can make you feel like a fraud. There are two components to faking it till you make it. One is that ALL learning is faking it till you make it. You don’t know what you’re doing until you’re doing it, and the process is inextricably linked to learning. The second component is that you actually have to do something to fake it till you make it! Rather than sitting around pondering and wondering whether you can do something, faking it till you make it gets you going on the path! Growth is not easy, but it’s really hard if you need to be perfect and all-knowing in order to get started. Fake it till you make it and you are on the right track to getting a new ability.

Lori needs help managing her relationship with her her ex-husband. They are still financially intertwined, but she might also still have feelings of love keeping her stuck.

Write-in Question: I have been surprised recently to discover that my husband and I have very different positions on a major event that has been occurring in the global news. Through deeper discussion, it's clear that his values haven't changed, and I don't believe mine have either. We have always agreed on nearly everything when it comes to politics and ideals, and otherwise we still do. I want to have healthy separateness, but it is a strange feeling to disagree about something that we both have such strong conviction towards. How important is it for married people to have the same position about big topics like this?

Tasha wants to stop comparing herself to others. She can see that it's coming from a need to control her world that might stem from earlier trauma.

Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?

Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.

If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.

https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

Transcript

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0:00.0	Hey guys, welcome back. It's the Doctor Cloud show. So we're going to hop into the thought for the day, which is how always being in the program, talking about something that either I've been working with with somebody or the research or something I'm studying or something I'm doing in my own life or my friends or wherever.
0:28.6	You know, life's principles tend to hang around and make themselves evident and manifest in a lot of places.
0:35.6	So, here's one for a day. This is a phrase. It's floated around a lot of circles,
0:44.1	business, recovery, psychology, all of that for decades. You may have heard it before. And the phrase is
0:53.3	fake it till you make it. fake it till you make it fake it till you make it now if somebody's
1:02.2	got on their hardcore psychology hat or their hardcore getting real hat said i've been
1:10.4	faking it too long.
1:11.8	I'm going to start being authentic.
1:13.9	And I'm going to be my real self and my real feelings.
1:16.5	I'm not going to fake it anymore.
1:18.9	Well, that's not the kind of faking it we're talking about here.
1:24.4	Sometimes, I mean, there is a such thing as a true self and a false self and the masks we wear and all of that.
1:32.6	That's not what I'm talking about.
1:34.9	What I'm talking about is here when you feel unable to do something or not good at something.
1:43.8	But reality is asking you to step up and do that something and you're not ready and you're
1:49.6	waiting until you're going to feel ready.
1:52.5	Well, good luck with that because I don't know how you get ready to do something without doing
2:00.5	it in a sense.
2:03.8	You know, you've all heard the big narrative that's out there for a number of years.
2:09.5	You call the imposter syndrome.
2:12.2	And that's where people get these big jobs or whatever it is.
2:15.9	And they're finally at the table with the big people,
	...

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