Episode 395 - The Dr. Cloud Show - What’s Your Conflict Type?

The Boundaries.me Podcast

Greg Bowler

Religion & Spirituality, Henrycloud, Gaslighting, Productivity, Mentalhealth, Boundaries, Faith, Leadership, Drhenrycloud, Christiancounseling, Psychology, Health & Fitness, Mental Health, Counseling, Christianity, Narcissism, Relationships, Drcloud

4.7 • 815 Ratings

🗓️ 16 February 2024

⏱️ 59 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

How do you work on conflicts in a relationship? Dr. Henry Cloud wants you to think about which way you lean when something comes up that’s either uncomfortable, argumentative or otherwise conflictual in your relationships. Understanding that there are basically three types of behavior that you might engage in, one of them being more prevalent in your life. The three types are moving toward, moving away, or moving against. You will always move in one of these directions during a conflict. Where this gets interesting is when you see that rather than making a choice, you might be doing this automatically. You might be moving away from a conflict when you need to move against it. And so on. As you begin learning your conflict type, you’ll also see it in others and your relationships will greatly improve as conflicts arise.

Jacqueline wants to take care of her sister’s former foster daughter as a child advocate, but her sister is against the idea and sees it as a betrayal. What do you do when someone you love is preventing you from doing what’s right?

Anne is having difficulty accepting her decision to end a romantic relationship. Did she leave for the right reasons, or was it out of misplaced fears?

Written Question:

I am really interested in personal growth. Lately I feel like my enthusiasm for personal growth and development content might be going overboard though. I follow a lot of good folks on social media, read tons of books, watch Youtube videos, and attend seminars in person. These things all make me feel good and like I'm doing something right, but I'm not sure if I'm really doing all that much growing. Can you overdose on personal growth, or what am I doing wrong?

Being estranged from someone you once were close to can be a painful reality to live in. Should you reconcile? When? How? How can we fix the pain of estrangement? Does it get easier? What is my role in this process? What is mine to own? What should I do?

Dr. Cloud wants to help you navigate this terrain. Go to https://boundaries.me/reconcile to find out more about the 2 hour live webinar with Dr. Cloud.

If you want to call in or watch the show live, subscribe on YouTube and click the Bell icon. It will alert you whenever we go live and will be your cue to call in and ask Dr. Cloud for advice.

https://youtube.com/drhenrycloud

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0	Hey guys, welcome back. It is a Dr. Cloud show. And that means it is a time for me to get to talk to you. So as we do on every program, I start with a thought or something I've been working with,
0:27.0	either with somebody else or in research or my own head or whatever.
0:33.2	And we're going to do that for a minute.
0:35.3	I'm going to talk about something that I fell in love with when I was either a graduate student in psychology or maybe,
0:49.3	no, I think it was a graduate student.
0:51.3	When I first got introduced to her work, the lady's name was Karen Hornay.
0:58.2	She was a very, very well-known, world-known, actually, psychiatrist or psychologist in Great Britain, I think.
1:09.7	She was part of what's called the British School of Object Relations,
1:14.2	if you're a nerd about psychology.
1:16.8	That's where they really started to study in the psychoanalytic tradition.
1:21.8	They were looking at how relationships work and how people work in relationships.
1:28.7	And she, I can't remember the name of the book.
1:33.9	Oh, well, but I do remember the system.
1:36.8	The system that she used to help people with, and it's something I think you can relate to.
1:43.7	There's a number of reasons why you might be one of these.
1:47.4	There's three, we're going to talk about, three types.
1:51.7	Some of it, I think it's constitutional.
1:54.8	You're born with it.
1:56.5	You can go into a nursery, and if you peer through you know when they when the babies are born in the
2:01.2	hospital they line them up in little burritos in the nursery you know when they're not nursing and
2:06.3	all the little babies are like an assembly line and and some of them are like happy with the world
2:11.4	there's pop-b-b-b-bh-pah-pah you know and they're just happy to be there and they're all warm and cuddly and then the one right
	...

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