Welcome to Wolf 359.

Wolf 359. Attention! The following is a message from Dr. Helbert.

Fellow crew members, it is again time for our biannual physical and wellness tech.

Please remain calm.

Report to the laboratory immediately.

I understand the prospect of these men for examinations can excite nausea, leopardy, and a powerful urge to run,

run far away. Far, far away.

These feelings are completely ordinary, yet must be suppressed.

These examinations are vital to keeping the Hephaestus in operational disease-free environment,

as well as an unparalleled cache of live data in the coldness a

the fearful enormity of which I add one cannot escape it to.

As usual, please bring a list of all known allergies, a change of clothing, and something to fight

to do with them.

And yes, before anyone asks about it, the surgical drill is absolutely necessary.

See you see you soon.

Oh, the end.

This is the log of communications officer Doug Eiffel on day 482 of the Hephaestus mission.

But this isn't just any day dear listeners.

No, this is a day of darkness. A low tide, a half-melted

fudgeicle of despair. It's a physical day here on the station. I've spent all day avoiding

Dr. Hilbert. There was a moment this afternoon when I thought he'd cornered me in

the bathroom, but I was able to avoid him by squeezing into the crawl space underneath the sink.

...