No etiquette in the workplace is changing at an alarming rate.

But don't worry, I'm here to make sure you know the correct business hug for the right occasion.

Let's begin now.

We'll stop the takes.

Stop!

What you have here is a bad hug.

It's insensitive and inappropriate for the work environment.

Let's try it my way.

Now watch, as Mark Leansian finds the power center on the small of the back

gives three tender circles with the palm of his hand

and finishes with a friendly slap on the cheek.

TVTL

We'll stop, banana, we'll stop.

Today I'm going to be discussing an activity that some of you might find embarrassing.

However, I assure you there is nothing to be ashamed of.

You'll watch television.

I don't even own a television.

Notice I didn't say TV.

TV is a nickname and nicknames are for friends and television is no friend of mine.

We are still on for this afternoon, right?

Operation Monkey Brain.

Wait, what?

...