The Olympic Games are a competition that unites the world by creating clear lines of division between the superior nations and the inferior ones.

Cycling. Love it. Cycling is the sport they determine which high caliber athlete is most capable of passing a drug test.

Anybody can put on a pair of spandex and pedal a bike, but not just anybody has a chemistry knowledge to beat the world's best anti-doping chemical detection procedures.

Track and field. You stain bolt, fascist man in history. When he wins another gold medal for Jamaica, it's a win for the US because Jamaica is practically a part of the US.

Just like Puerto Rico and Canada. Except Canada has a policy against winning medals in the summer games for some reason. Race walking.

Now this is a sport that makes sense. Who can go the fastest at not going their fastest? It's like who can be the best in mediocrity? So paradoxical, I love it.

The TVTM.

You would prefer me to only do this interview not mentioning at all, just to clarify. At all that you've ever done anything in terms of acting, screenwriting. That's correct.

Okay, but do you know that people are listening across the country and across North America and they might think that's odd that I would not mention anything to do with your path?

I think it's odd that you have to smoke inside a white stripe outside.

I can't save any segment. We've done in the past, okay? Remember that segment where he did the world's fastest pets? Glenn lost all the tapes? We made that work.

You mean when we got those two rabbits and we tied them together to look like a big fat one?

Yeah, people loved it. They bought it.

You think you're too cool for school, but I got a news flash for you Walter Cronkite. You aren't.

Now I know you're eager to get out there and start slicing up and serving some pizza, but before we do that we have some very important things to talk about.

Oh, we have, we have some important things to talk about, all right?

We got Olympic swimmers with giant hickeys all over their bodies. We got people getting in trouble for swimming and dumpsters.

And of course, we have the winners of round one of this year's song of the summer contest.

And we're going to do it all, or at least we're going to try to do it all here on this Monday installment of TVTL, the pod cart that is definitely proving to be too beautiful to live.

My name is Andrew Walsh, Luke Burbank's vacation does continue this week, so you are stuck with me.

It may be an ugly world, but at least I have a beautiful face.

I am best known for my love of hot dogs, my lack of fashion sense, and my propensity to talk faster than I can think.

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