I just got married last year, which is pretty exciting for me, and a couple of you, thank you.

A lot of my friends are kind of like you guys, kind of like a mixed reaction.

One of my buddies was like, dude, why buy the cow if you're getting the milk for free, am I right?

And I was like, maybe, because we love each other.

Here's how you can tell. I never refer to her as the cow.

Although now you mentioned that the cow has health insurance, that's why we did it.

I'm lucky to have her. In the last six months, I've thrown my back,

putting on a pair of pants, and I chipped a tooth, eating a piece of pie too aggressively.

I was so excited about this pie. I didn't take the fork all the way out.

Who's got the time?

So I bite straight down into a metal fork, chipped a tooth, stand there,

and looking around and bring my wife comes in. She's like, what happened, big guy?

She calls me a big guy, and I tell her, and instead of making fun of me, like, all of you would.

She's like, yeah, pie can be tricky.

It's a keeper. T-B-T-L.

Boys can be funny?

I don't know. I've never found a boy funny.

Well, I think boys can be funny. Okay, I just think maybe they haven't had the opportunity

to be funny for as long as girls have.

Luckily for me, I've processed all my feelings, and I've gone through the five stages of grief.

Denial, anger, internet commenting, cat adoption, African dance, cat returning to the adoption

place, watching all the episodes of Murphy Brown and not giving a flying fart.

...