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Your Anxiety Toolkit - Practical Skills for Anxiety, Panic & Depression

Episode #18: How To Heal Self-Blame With Self-Forgiveness (Ho'oponopono Meditation)

Your Anxiety Toolkit - Practical Skills for Anxiety, Panic & Depression

Kimberley Quinlan, LMFT | Anxiety & OCD Specialist

Self-improvement, Education, Mental Health, Health & Fitness

4.9 ā€¢ 882 Ratings

šŸ—“ļø 21 September 2017

ā±ļø 22 minutes

šŸ”—ļø Recording | iTunes | RSS

šŸ§¾ļø Download transcript

Summary

How to Heal Self-Blame with Self-Forgiveness using Ho'oponopono Meditation

If you are anything like me, you are quick to blame yourself for any of the below reasons:
  • You have not achieved some level or expectation.
  • You tried to better yourself and you "failed."
  • You made a mistake (unintentional) or had an accident (I call this, "You Did a human" AKA Making a human mistake)
  • Especially for you, if you have OCD; You have "bad" thoughts, intrusive thoughts, thoughts you deem "unacceptable."
  • You feel like you are a BAD person who doesn't EVER deserve to be forgiven.
  • You are attempting to work through your mental health issues.
  • You struggle to do exposures or follow some treatment goal.
  • You experience self-disgust (for having pimples, cellulite, intrusive thoughts etc.

My main message in this podcast is this:

HUMANS ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE PERFECT!

HUMANS ARE ALWAYS AND FOREVER GOING TO MAKE MISTAKES!

This podcast details a practice calledĀ Ho'oponopono. Ā Ho-oponopon is a spiritual practice of harmony between people, nature and spirit that has been used in Hawaiian and other Polynesian cultures for centuries. Ho'oponopono Key Concept: We can heal our own wounds and then we can then go out and heal our world.

Ho'oponopono Meditation Foundation:

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

IĀ love you.

Thank you.

Ā 

Here are some ridiculousĀ reason to not practice Self-Forgiveness:

  1. You only deserve Self-Forgiveness after you make the world better (giving service to others).
  2. If you forgive myself, you will stop caring and let yourself go and become and even worse person.
  3. Once you are perfect, then you can forgive yourself.
  4. If you blame myself first, it will hurt less if someone else blames you or notices your imperfections.
Please do not let these reason stop you from freeing yourself from Self-Blame. Give it a try and see if it works for you! I found it to be a very powerful practice. Have a great week!

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

This is Kimberly Quinlan and this is your anxiety toolkit podcast.

0:20.7

So last episode, we spoke a lot on correcting the narrative we have about

0:26.7

ourselves and our anxiety. And in response to that, I wanted to go a little more deeply into

0:33.8

self-blame. And even more importantly, I want to go into this idea or tool called

0:41.2

self-forgiveness. Now, often people will feel like self-forgiveness is not necessary and not

0:50.4

helpful and really is only necessary when somebody has done us wrong.

0:55.3

But really, if we look at the definition of self-blame, that is exactly what we're doing.

1:01.7

We are attributing the occurrence of an event or stress stressor to ourselves or to oneself.

1:10.0

And it's always self-directed, and it also keeps us really stuck in these

1:14.7

faulty belief systems and pushes us towards very problematic behaviors. So before this podcast, as I was

1:23.8

contemplating this idea, I was quickly jotting down a few examples of self-blame,

1:30.1

and some of them may apply to you and some may not.

1:34.2

One would be that we would self-blame because we feel that we have not achieved some level

1:42.4

of expectation, whether that be we wanted ourselves to get a certain grade,

1:48.1

or we wanted ourselves to be a certain weight, or we expected ourselves to do a behavior in a

1:54.2

certain way. So what this is really saying is that we go out, we attempt to better ourselves

2:00.6

in some way, but because the expectation

2:04.8

wasn't realistic, we immediately move into self-blame. Another example is when we have done something

2:13.2

wrong. Everyone probably feels this one resonates with them the most. And the example here would be

2:20.3

either you made a mistake, which would be an accident, or you intentionally did something wrong.

2:27.9

Maybe you had a lapse in judgment. Maybe you weren't focusing correctly. Now in this respect,

2:34.1

I call this you did a human. And what I mean by

...

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