Stop the tape! Stop!

What you have here is a bad hug.

It's insensitive and inappropriate for the work environment.

Let's try it my way.

Now watch.

As Mark Leans in, finds the power center on the small of the back

gives three tender circles with the palm of his hand

and finishes with a friendly slap on the cheek.

There are two types of people in this world.

Those who like Neil Diamond and those who don't.

Mark's wife loves him.

On your small rights, that you'll be sure to understand

you wore a tug-faced perfume.

Why are you acting insane and threatening to cut my throat?

You scared me!

You got to, like, say something before you touch me.

You stuck up half-witted, scrappy looking, not harder.

You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid,

you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor, and you smell.

Still can't believe that that is the pep talk I play for myself

before each and every edition of TBTL,

which you find yourself listening to at this very moment.

...