I hate today. I hate today so much that I might not even go to class. Why? It is so gorgeous outside. Yeah, I know.

It like really gives me this uneasy feeling. It's like the certain kind of spring itch, you know what I mean?

I saw three people touching tongues outside of my final yesterday. Like three couples? No.

Three people.

I believe that what's about to follow is really going to amaze.

So I suggest you sit back and enjoy your front row seat.

Today we are going to go over a great self-defense strategy, pooping yourself.

I get out of the shower looking mirror. I'm impressed because I look freaking awesome.

Hey, we have the same taste in words. Hey, do you guys hear about that thing about sports?

The worst episode ever. Rest assured that I was on the internet within minutes registering my

disgust throughout the world. You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies?

Hey, you know what time it is? It's time to get real.

All right then. Let's get really into this Monday afternoon edition of TBTL,

the show that just might be too beautiful to live. I know it.

My name is Luke Burbank. I'm your host,

September 1,613 in a collector series. We got a lot of exciting content to share with you.

The crowd did not like the fact that we have a lot of exciting content to share with you.

We do, though, and it's going to be fun. Hi, this is Luke's Mom Susie coming tonight on TBTL.

Somebody has been hiding cash throughout California and then announcing it on Twitter

and it's making people go crazy. It seems like a benevolent and kind thing to do, but there was

something about watching the video footage of people looking for this money that

gave me an uneasy feeling. We will talk about that. Also, the kid you heard at the very beginning

...