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The Offensive

Episode 049 - Fight at the Museum

The Offensive

2018/19 Season

Parody, Alan Partridge, Fiction, Spoof, Satire, Mockumentary, Sports, Comedy Fiction, Comedy, Soccer, Football

4.8739 Ratings

🗓️ 28 October 2019

⏱️ 23 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

It's the opening of the Ashwood City Museum. During preparations for the unveiling; Patrick, Jess and Woody explore the not-so-glorious past of the club. As Patrick prepares a speech to the press, things go from bad to worse. 


Helena Doughty as Jess Tate

Paul Waggott as Patrick Nolan

Adam Jarrell as Chris 'Woody' Woodall


Additional Voices:

Joel Emery

Directed by:

Adam Jarrell

Episode written by:

Joel Emery  

Edited by:

Adam Jarrell

Executive Producer:

Joel Emery


WARNING. This podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.

This is a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organisations, places or events is purely coincidental. All scenarios are from the author's imagination. This podcast is protected under copyright. 

Listener discretion is advised.

The Offensive is property of Primley Limited



Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Transcript

Click on a timestamp to play from that location

0:00.0

With Set for Life from the National Lottery, you could win on repeat.

0:06.0

Imagine £10,000 every month for 30 years.

0:10.8

You could shred the slopes in Baldurz's air.

0:13.8

Then chill on a Caribbean beach.

0:16.7

Then taste your way through Tokyo.

0:19.7

Then back home. To bolt off to set for life, play now

0:25.9

and the National Lottery app. Terms, rules and procedures apply. Players must be 18 or over.

0:32.1

Warning, this podcast contains explicit language and content some listeners may find objectionable.

0:38.6

This is a work of fiction.

0:39.9

Any similarities to persons living or deceased, organizations, places or events is purely coincidental.

0:46.2

This podcast is protected under copyright.

0:48.7

Listener discretion is advised.

0:50.4

This is The Offensive.

1:00.0

Thank you. This is The Offensive. It's Bobby Moore.

1:02.0

Buses to Jerry Harkness, and it's a go. England three, East Germany won.

1:07.0

The commies are on the run, watching on in the stands, Her Majesty the Queen. Go on chaps,

1:13.6

she seemed to say. Jerry Harkness is the star of the show. It's Jerry giving it to the jerry's.

1:20.3

The English chaps are having a rather fine day out. A good day's work, the wives will be cooking them

1:25.1

supper now. I hope it's a hearty meal, ladies. These fine

1:28.4

fellows deserve it. They're doing their country proud. What the fuck is this? This is the Ashwood

1:33.9

City Football Club Museum. Jess, welcome to the grand opening. I'm Patrick Nolan, the chief

1:38.7

executive. This, I mean this. This. Yes, this shrine to this sex pest. Yeah, well, they needed to put up a Harkness area for obvious reasons.

...

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