Well, it's flu season, which means a rise in incidents of hysteria.

And also the Chinese flu, sometimes called the wooflu, or the fluman chew, or the kung flu,

or the communist dirtbag flu, or sometimes just the evil thing that China did to the rest

of the world flu, for short.

As a numerate journalist, panic and high-pitched voices over numbers that don't mean anything,

governors who like power rub their sweaty hands together with Glee and consider how they

can torment the populations who made the mistake of voting for them with useless restrictions

that will destroy your business while having no effect on numbers that don't mean anything

anyway.

Governor Newsom of California says because of the rise in flu cases, he will issue an

executive order allowing him to wear a sterling blue military uniform with gold epilets.

These will go stunningly with the bicorn hat made popular by Napoleon Bonaparte, also

a governor of California.

Along with the smashing uniform, Newsom says Californians may only gather in groups of one

or fewer and must pass around Thanksgiving Turkey by mail.

The only exceptions are looters and anyone who invites him to a party with the drinks

are free.

In Michigan, Governor Ubersturmführer Gretchen Whitmer says the uptick in Chinese virus

cases will require her to march back and forth on her balcony, swinging her straight arms

in wide arcs and snapping her heels smartly on the ground, with each step, while a grateful

state of Michigan repeatedly stabs their open hands into the air and salute.

Other than that, however, no one is allowed to leave their homes unless Governor Ubersturm

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