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Slack.com slash DHQ. The media is overcome with joy over their decision to make Joe Biden

the next president of the United States. Lying on a velvet divan and sipping a cucumber

lemonade and gin while receiving a massage from his pool boy, CNN Anchorman Anderson Cooper

said, quote, after years of our comparing Trump to Hitler, lying about his relationship

with Russia and undermining even his most beneficial policies, we can at last return to

normal levels of civility where I call ordinary Americans tea baggers and no one criticizes

me for it.

Van Jones, meanwhile, was crying in the arms of Brian Stelter, who was weeping on the

shoulder of Van Jones, who was sobbing into Brian Stelter's counter pain while Brian

blew his nose in Van Jones souvenir copy of the Green New Deal. And one or the other

of them said, at last, we can tell our children that character counts and honesty matters.

Not to us, of course, because we work for CNN, but the Donald Trump, because if he could

have pretended to have character and honesty, like we pretend to, he too could have been

an anchor man at CNN instead, he chose the darker path of restoring the economy and bringing

peace to the Middle East. So we had to assail him with any lie available until we could

tell our children that character counts and honesty matters. Because we have to tell

our children something or else they might find out what we really do for a living. The rest

...