This is Infants on Thrones.

Minnesot.

Minnesot.

As our commencement speaker for this graduation ceremony, we will now be pleased to hear from

Elder Brother M Jank of the Choram of the Infants, Elder Jake.

Dear graduates, it is wonderful for me to see your smiling faces on this joyous occasion. On this great day of celebration many of you might

be wondering what exactly I am going to speak about. I, after all, claim to be an

apostle of Jesus Christ, a watchman on God's tower, communing with a divine to guide

his flock.

Now that isn't to say that I speak with God all the time, don't try and paint me into a corner

of incredibly high expectations now.

Apostles are just men, imperfect men.

But it probably wouldn't be unreasonable for you to expect that I as an

apostle would be given an ability beyond or at least equal to the lay person to discern the issues most deserving of an apostolic voice of warning and counsel.

After all, that's what a watchman is for, right?

So with that in mind, it begs the question, what will I address?

Will I employ my authority and keys as a voice of God to give insight about something that poses a global threat,

like the devastating impacts of human activity on the global environment or the benefits of being a good stewards of the earth,

or speak about the continued presence of global poverty

in ways that you can combat it now that you are empowered with education,

or address the turmoil broiling in the Middle East as thousands are slaughtered in the name of religious dogball?

Well, it's funny you should ask because even though all those seem like topics that are incredibly indeed almost absurdly deserving of attention from somebody

...