The ratings for the National Basketball Association finals have hit rock bottom and baffled NBA officials

are trying to determine why America doesn't want to watch a group of multi-millionaires throw a ball

around while disrespecting the country that gave them everything they have and also wearing

jerseys celebrating a Marxist terrorist group that has been burning down cities over absolutely

nothing for the last four months or so. NBA Commissioner Will Fully Blind said he was

stymied by the ratings drop, speaking to a reporter who was on his way to cover something people

cared about more than the NBA finals. A supermarket opening or a really big pothole, Mr. Fully Blinds

said, quote, I can't understand it. These NBA stars are very, very good at bouncing a ball up and

down and then throwing it through a metal hoop. So why don't people want to watch them spit on the

memories of men who fought and died to defend the country their disrespecting for no reason?

Unquote Commissioner Fully Blinds said he was shocked that even the audience for the Lakers games

featuring LeBron James now largely consisted of the cardboard board cutouts of human beings placed

in the stands, many of whom left early in order to beat the cardboard traffic back to their cardboard

homes. Another 178 people were also watching the games on TV but they were also cardboard. Mr. Fully Blind

told a janitor who couldn't get out of the men's room while the commissioner was blocking the doorway,

quote, I thought everyone would want to see LeBron James criticize America on issues about which

he knows nothing, especially after he kept silent on the torture and oppression of people in China

in order not to jeopardize his big paycheck. After all, no one can bounce a ball like him,

King James bounces a ball and if ball bouncing isn't the most important thing, well then I don't know

what it is. Unquote. The finals will continue sometime on some channel but really who cares?

Trick or Warning, I'm Andrew Klaven and this is the Andrew Klaven Show.

All right, welcome to Mailbag Day. Gather your problems around you,

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