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Senators continue to debate a new relief bill to deal with fallout from the Chinese flu,

or wooflu, or kung flu, or fluman, fluman chew, or Chinese active bacterial-logical warfare,

or as they call it in Hollywood, thank you for the COVID-19 Mr. Producer, sir. The Republicans

are offering a bill that would provide stimulus for damaged businesses and allow workers to

return to their jobs. The Democrats conversely are proposing a bill that would pay each worker

$2000 more than his highest salary to stay home in order to prevent anyone from going to work

and recovering his dignity as a human being when they haven't even finished watching the

entire catalog of videos on PornHub. The Democrats then propose to gather up all the

make-believe trillions of dollars they've been spending on useless garbage for the

last 27 years, set it on fire, and use the flames to burn down every city in the country

while blaming it on the evil principle of whiteness that has stifled the hopes and

dreams of every black man in their imaginations. The Democrat bill would further impose an indefinite

moratorium on singing in church, praying at home, yearning for human freedom, experiencing

individual joy, and anything else that gets in the way of the government's complete

control of every corner of the known universe. In a speech made while hanging upside down

from the Capitol Rotunda, Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer demanded that Republicans

...