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Slack.com slash DHQ. The following may contain satire that will offend

absolutely everyone. I want to apologize in advance for the fact that I don't care.

A new list is making the rounds of non-gendered anatomical language. They can be used as

a way to describe men and women so that no one knows what anyone is talking about. The

list was published by the Society dedicated to making life as miserable as humanly possible

and was accompanied by a statement saying, quote, we at the SDMLMHP are committed to taking

the most joyous and pleasurable part of life and transforming it into a problem in order

to satisfy the needs of a small number of unhappy neurotics by making us all as bitter and

depressed as they are. To that end, we offer this list of meaningless and unattractive phrases

to ensure men will turn to pornography instead of actual women and women will sit home on

Saturday nights weeping into their pillows. Enjoy.

The list suggests that we no longer use the word breastfeeding to describe the humanizing

act of love and unity that creates contentment and connectedness in the hearts and minds

of mother and child alike, but instead call it chestfeeding as a way to render us as

bat-done crazy as the people who made this list. The substitution of chest for breast

will also come in handy in such phrases as, oh boy, look at the pair of chests on that

tomato and I'm going to sneak up behind my coworker and grab her by the chest because

...