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Slack.com slash DHQ. The following may contain satire that will

offend absolutely everyone. I want to apologize in advance for the fact that I don't care.

As the economy continues to open despite widespread panic among journalists and other journalists

and the people who believe journalists, who are also journalists, professional sports

leagues who are discussing changes they would like to make to placate angry, hate-filled

anti-Americans. Who are journalists? The NFL, for instance, has announced that from now

on, its games will begin with players lining up for the national anthem and then bearing

their buttocks to the American flag, not in a way meant to convey disrespect, of course,

but merely as a reminder that this is the worst country on earth and every single person

in it is a piece of garbage who should immediately look in the mirror and spit on his own image.

The players will then swagger to the center of the field, lifting their middle fingers

and calling people racist if they refuse to enjoy the sight of men making millions

of dollars by throwing a ball around, apparently for their own amusement since at this point,

no one will be watching. NASCAR has decided it will ban the display

of the Confederate flag, as well as drinking beer, reckless driving, the wearing of cowboy

hats, and the appearance of daisy dukes on women likely to encourage non-inclusive heterosexual

thoughts. Cars will no longer be decorated by the logos of capitalist corporate sponsors,

...