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Slack.com slash DHQ. It's still early in the election year and at this point, the polls

don't really mean anything. So let's take a look at them anyway because life is just

too long and we've got to do something to kill the time. The latest polls show that Joe

Biden would defeat President Donald Trump if the election were held today in the fairy

land of the media's imagination where lies turn to chocolate bars and melt on the tongue.

Biden is leading in several battlegrounds, including Gettysburg and Antietam, where many

veterans of the Civil War remember him fondly and can't understand what that'll happen

to him when he used to be such a fun guy. And his Abe Lincoln impersonation was second

to none. 73% of people who hate Trump so much they can't pry their teeth apart say they

would vote for a potted plant before they would vote for the president. They would also

vote for an overturned garbage can. They used toilet brush. A collection of arndrines

were Joe Biden. 66% of people who wish the lockdown would never end and they could just

keep receiving those unemployment checks that are higher than the money they made working

say they would vote for Biden if he would give them something for free. Preferably a motorbike

or maybe one of those drones that you can use to take videos of the girl next door when

she's doing yoga. 85% of people who plan to vote by mail say they prefer Biden because

he kind of looks a lot like they do even though they've been dead for three years. And

...