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Slack.com slash DHQ. The New York Times, former newspaper, has issued new guidelines for

dealing with coronavirus. The Times says the purpose of the guidelines is, quote, to reframe

America's attitude by mingling abject terror with the promise that absolute subservience

will create an illusion of safety until you still get sick and die, but at least you'll

die poor and enslaved, which will make it much easier to kiss this crappy life goodbye.

So, according to the Times guidelines, the virus is very dangerous if you were a person

over 65 or who will one day be over 65 or who once saw someone who was 65 or who loves

his grandma because she used to bake those great chocolate chip cookies and yet will cause

her to die a lingering death if you should think bad thoughts about the government or

call her on the phone. Symptoms of the coronavirus include coughing up your lungs while lying

curled up on the kitchen floor, groaning in agony or a runny nose or sneezing or thinking

too much about sneezing or having one sneezed or disabaying lockdown orders or thinking

about disabaying lockdown orders or shutting your windows so that the police drone can't

watch you go to the bathroom when you're thinking about disabaying lockdown orders or

sneezing, preparatory to coughing up your lungs and agony and then killing your grandmother.

The Times says cities and states should be able to begin opening up their economies after

people stop getting sick of the virus or dying of the virus or getting sick of other causes

...