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Slack.com slash DHQ. The administration is projecting an upbeat attitude of confidence

about the coronavirus, saying they have extensive measures in place and they feel absolutely

certain some people will survive. Chief Medical Officer Dr. Fiddledy Hapless says the

government has already purchased several face masks and bottles of Purell to defend against

the virus if it should somehow seep into any place where there's somebody important.

Dr. Hapless says it is possible that things may get worse and if they do, he hopes someone

will send the news to his underground bunker. However, in a statement released through

an iron tube that poked out of the earth and then quickly withdrew again, Dr. Hapless

says he does not believe that things will get as bad as they did in that movie where they

peeled Gwyneth Paltrow's face off. Though if people think that would help, they can give

it a try. So far, the virus has had its wider spread in China where the communist government

has instituted the usual party policy of arresting anyone who talks about it and spraying people

in the face with something toxic and horrible, then forcing people to remain in their homes

until they die, then report to the local party headquarters for burial. In Italy, the spread

of the disease has caused officials to consider forming a government, but they can't see why

they should change their way of life now. On Wall Street, investors reacted to news

of the virus and their usual common collected manner, selling off massive amounts of anything

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