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Thanksgiving is upon us and it's time to take stock of all the things we're thankful

for before we all sit down at the dinner table with our families and really rip into those

stupid bastards. I for one can't wait to hear Uncle Ned expound on how Donald Trump is

worse than Hitler, giving me the chance to explain to him that here's a bowl of yams in your

face while I beat you over the head with a turkey leg. But really, when you think about

it, we had a lot of reasons to thank our leftist friends and relations. For instance, I'm

thankful for leftist gender theory, which has removed so many burdens from our lives,

like reality and pleasure. Back in those silly old days when we thought we were just men

and women, what did we have to look forward to besides the boring routine of romance and

family, whereas now there's all the excitement and drama of realizing that the very last

minute you wasted your life on lies and meaningless crap. I'm thankful that the leftist

freed poor people of color from the oppressive presence of the police. I'm old enough to

remember when those blue meanies would come stormtrooping into the inner city, brutally

imposing mass incarceration on gangsters and drug dealers. But thanks to the left, the

police don't want to go anywhere near those neighborhoods anymore, which has made life

there so much more exciting, although a lot shorter as well. And finally, I'm thankful

...