A bombshell in the press today, a shadowy anonymous source within a sinister intelligence agency

trying to overthrow the results of illegal election, has stepped out of the shadows into

even deeper shadows to reveal that President Donald Trump has not returned a library book

he took out over seven weeks ago.

At the New York Times, a former newspaper, printers needed two workers to carry each of

the enormous letters that would spell out the headline declaring the story while at the

same time one of the workers carried in his pocket the entire text of the correction

that would retract the story later in the day.

Times editor-in-chief Blithering Prevarication III, speaking to his staff at a cell meeting

of the Union of Soviet Socialist Journalists, said, quote,

�We built our newsroom to cover one intelligence driven hoax that ended up leaving us humiliated

and discredited, so I'm happy to announce that everything is already in place for us to

cover this one�."

At CNN, anchorwoman Shapley Nudnik told her audience as he rushed across the airport

to catch his connection to Topeka, quote, �Upt until now I have refused to get on the

impeachment train, but a continual drumbeat of phony Trump scandals from anonymous sources

meant to distract the public from the corruption of the Obama intelligence community has finally

made me utterly hysterical.

The dam is breaking, the walls are closing in, and this is the beginning of the end that

marks a tipping point of walls and dams, and oh my god someone bring me my out of van

I need to lie down, unquote.

At NBC, Chuck Todd, who doesn't need a made up funny name because he's already a parody

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