A congressional impeachment hearing devolved into silent nothingness yesterday as Democrats

suddenly realized they were engaged in a meaningless charade and became paralyzed by existential

despair.

The hearing ended after Jerry Nadler, chairman of the House Committee on meaningless charades

and the resulting existential despair, suddenly fell silent and began to stare glassy-eyed

into the distance while a single tear rolled slowly, slowly down his cheek.

Nadler had been interrogating former Trump campaign manager Corey Lewandowski when apparently

a revelation came to him in a statement to a collection of lawn gnomes he mistook for

a Nadler family reunion.

The congressman said, quote, I was just sitting there trying to think of some useless collection

of non-sequitors to throw at this guy who couldn't possibly know anything about anything

of importance and all at once I found myself thinking, is this my life?

Is this really my life?

I began to remember how as a child I dreamed of doing heroic deeds and leaving a mark on

history.

Here I was now a fat, ugly little man wasting the American people's time and money with

an elaborate kabuki show that couldn't possibly have any useful outcome.

A pit of darkness seemed to open at my very core as I realized I had squandered the precious

time given to me on an exercise in deception and futility.

Nadler then broke out on an off-key rendition of what kind of fool am I until he was carried

out of the capital building by a pair of security guards because let's face it, he's no

Sammy Davis Jr.

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