Congress is back in session and ready to take on the number one crisis facing America,

namely that Congress is back in session.

The lawmakers return to Washington facing a full agenda, including financing the government

so they can get money to pay for Congress, so they can finance the government, so they

can get money to pay for Congress, so they can finance the government.

DC residents welcome the legislature back by running away from the Capitol building in

a panic mob clutching their wallets and screaming as if Godzilla was chasing them.

When they found out that Godzilla actually was chasing them, they calmed down and said

that's a relief.

We thought it was Congress.

On the House side, Democrat Jerry Nadler said he had enjoyed a lazy summer just wasting

time and spending money by way of practicing for his return to government work.

Nadler's list of things to do includes threatening to impeach President Trump, threatening

to investigate President Trump, threatening to investigate impeaching President Trump,

and subpoenaing the last few Americans he hasn't interrogated yet, including the scary

clown from the Stephen King movie and the guy who runs the dairy queen in Aspen, Wall

Pennsylvania, a suburb of Pittsburgh.

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi said she was happy to come back from wherever she'd been to

wherever she was now and was looking forward to churning out useless anti-Trump bills that

would never become law until she had completely wasted the rapidly dwindling time remaining

to her life.

In the Senate, majority leader Mitch McConnell listed his priorities as getting more judges

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