The Grammy Awards garnered very low ratings this year, leading some experts to speculate

that the self-righteous leftist politics of semi-talented, semi-celebrities is preventing

people from enjoying their unbridled self-congratulations.

Pop Diva Taylor Miley, who showed up on the red carpet wearing a loincloth and a pair

of nickels, said she was disappointed that more people weren't watching when she won

the Best Song Award for her number one girl, Anthem, now on 12, Scroooming.

In a statement delivered with her face buried in a compact full of white powder, Ms. Miley

said, quote,

I like to think I'm inspiring girls across the country to proclaim their strength and

independence while dressing like a $10 hooker and allowing themselves to be used as a penis

holster by any droopy-eyed punk who can grunt something half-nice about them before

dumping them for the next brainless fool.

So I was really looking forward to accepting my award and telling everyone who they should

vote for.

I can't understand why no one was watching.

And quote, rap singer J. Hades said he was also baffled by the Grammy's low ratings.

In a statement released to his baby mama's dealer, Hades said quote,

when I take time off from expressing my rage against the machine, it is paying me millions

of dollars to express my rage against it, I expect to receive some praise and attention

for the hard work of chanting forced rhymes in an anti-social voice to repetitive non-music

with a deafening bass meant to obscure its lack of originality and depth.

I even went easy on the lean so I'd be there in time to lecture Americans on being more

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