You're listening to this naked mind

naked mind podcast and I'm here with Natanya. Hi how are you?

Hi how are you? Hi Annie really good how are you doing? So good it's so great to be here with you so

why does you sort of take us back to the beginning in your journey with alcohol

where did it all start for you? Sure.

So my story with alcohol really started as many kids do

with a sip or two of their parents wine

or some other adults wine,

but the first time I really remember getting drunk was until I was about 16. And I remember stealing a little bit of my parents alcohol mixing it with some water and drinking it with some of my

friends in my basement and I just remember feeling like it was everything I had

heard I felt silly I felt like I didn't care what people thought about me, and like I was doing this very fun, secret adult thing that at the time was off limits to me.

And from there, I remember just feeling super giddy at any chance to drink, like drinking with friends or with boys just felt like the nights that unlocked all of these really exciting experiences and where the stories and the

friendships and the romances and just everything worth being therefore

really started.

I also just absolutely felt like I was more fun, more funny, and just overall more enjoyable to be around

when I had been drinking, like it was this chance for people who I often felt quite nervous around

to really see me without feeling embarrassed or anxious.

Even with all of these initial really positive feelings and definitely a very strong desire to drink. I also very quickly had nights where I felt maybe I'd gone too far and cross some lines or acted in a way that I never normally would. I remember apologizing a lot to people and really just trying to explain my actions but never really being able to. It felt like I was always looking for some deeper reason under the surface for why my behavior was so bad when I would drink, but never making the connection that alcohol actually just causes you to make dumb decisions that you would not make normally.

So right away in my alcohol journey,

I was having both very positive and very negative

drinking experiences.

After high school, I actually took a gap year in another country where I signed a contract to not drink for a year.

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