Well, we began this week with President Trump and the Democrats in intense negotiations

over border security.

Trump was offering to compromise on DACA and wall spending while the Democrats countered

with an offer to slaughter his grandchildren, set the Oval Office on fire, and dig a hole

in the White House lawn in the hope the President would fall into it and break his leg.

The Democrats say the President's intransigent refusal, even to consider their response,

is why many government workers will remain idle and unpaid, instead of being idle while

receiving massive amounts of our tax dollars as usual.

But now the negotiations are getting ugly.

Yesterday, the President actually walked out of a meeting with Chuck Schumer and Nancy

Pelosi, and the two sides had different versions of what caused the talks to break down.

According to Pelosi, she was in the midst of offering to personally stand at the border

and hand out blankets and food to starving children when Trump seized her by the hair, smashed

her face into the table, and shot her twice in the kneecap with a Glock 9.

According to Trump, he offered to allow the entire city of Tijuana to come into the country

long enough to mow the lawn on Pelosi's immense napah valley estate, whereupon the House Speaker

sprung huge leather bat wings out of her back, and flew around the situation room screaming,

I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too.

Schumer says he was sobbing too hard to see clearly what happened, but he could have sworn

he heard the President threatening to melt the Statue of Liberty and pour the molten iron

down from the top of his wall onto the heads of sad face, tonne-dorn children.

If he could find any sad face tonne-dorn children outside of news stories on CNN.

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