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The New York Times, a former newspaper, has sent a cracked reporter to discover what

on earth is wrong with our country, and it turns out it's white women. I know, right? Who

would have guessed? You might have thought our biggest problem was unemployment, but Donald

Trump fixed that, or ISIS. But Donald Trump fixed that, or unconstitutional loony tunes,

taking charge of our government and replacing the structures meant to protect our liberty

with racist left-winged Dictats guaranteed to plunge us all into oppression and poverty.

But Donald Trump fixed that too. So what's left? Yes, it's those white girls. Alexis

Grinnell has studied these exotic creatures carefully by actually being one of them for

many years, and she writes, quote, my hand to God, I'm not making this quote up. After a

confirmation process where women all but slit their wrists, letting their stories of sexual

trauma run like rivers of blood through the capital, the Senate still voted to

confirm Judge Brett M. Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. The women who voted for him are gender

traders. We're talking about white women, the same 53% who put their racial privilege ahead

of their second-class gender status in 2016 by voting to uphold a system that values only

their whiteness, unquote. I could go on, but that would be like allowing the times to

write my hilarious satire for me, which would be wrong. But darn it, they're so funny,

...