EP 532: Why Affairs Happen (According to Your Attachment Style)

Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice

Dr. Morgan Anderson

Mental Health, Relationships, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Education

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 9 April 2025

⏱️ 30 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

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Today’s episode is incredibly important for understanding WHY affairs happen.

Why do we cheat on people we care about? What’s really happening beneath the surface when affairs happen? I take you deep into the emotional and psychological roots of cheating, using the lens of attachment theory to help make sense of it all.

I break down how anxious, avoidant, and disorganized attachment styles show up in relationships—and how they can contribute to betrayal. But this episode isn’t just about the “why”… it’s also about the healing.

Here are three big things we explore together in this episode:

Why emotional intimacy is often the missing link in relationships where affairs happen
How your attachment style may drive unconscious behaviors that lead to betrayal
What it really takes to move toward secure love and deep connection

The Empowered.Secure.Loved. Relationship Program ™ is designed to help you rewire your brain and help you embody secure attachment so you can easily attract the relationships you deserve, and attain the life you truly want.

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Timestamps:

00:00 – Understanding Affairs Through Attachment Theory

10:01 – Exploring Anxious Attachment and Infidelity

16:04 – The Avoidant Attachment Perspective on Affairs

20:18 – Disorganized Attachment: The Chaotic Dance of Relationships

24:40 – Building Secure Attachments to Prevent Affairs

Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan Anderson, psychologist, relationship coach, attachment theory expert, creator of the ESL relationship method, author of Love Magnet and Athletic Wear Connoisseur. My mission is to help you raise yourself worth, have great relationships, and step confidently into the next level of your life.
0:22.3	Each week, two episodes will air featuring expert advice, live coaching, and tips, showing you
0:28.4	exactly how to improve your life and attract a healthy relationship. You deserve to feel empowered,
0:34.8	secure, and love. Buckle up and let's get vulnerable. Welcome to the
0:43.3	Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan, and today's episode is a good one.
0:50.4	We are going to talk about something that a lot of people have experienced, but from the lens of
0:56.4	attachment styles and attachment theory, because I think that's going to give you a deeper
1:01.2	understanding. It's going to give you compassion. And it's also going to help you with not
1:07.8	repeating this in your future relationships. What am I talking about? I am going to talk to
1:13.1	you today about why affairs happen. Why do we cheat on our partners? Why are we cheated on? And we're
1:21.1	going to look at the different attachment styles and look at the reasons why this is happening, right?
1:30.2	I think it's so easy, if you've ever been cheated on, it's so easy to blame yourself and say, oh, there was something that was wrong with
1:35.9	me. There's a way that I'm not good enough for my partner. We can spiral and blame ourselves
1:42.7	and go down these terrible, terrible rabbit holes of not being good
1:47.9	enough and having low self-worth. Right. So this will help you understand why we do what we do in
1:55.6	relationships. Why do affairs happen? Because it's never as black and white as that person wanted to be with someone
2:05.2	else, right? And of course, I'm talking about monogamous relationships. I know there's a lot of different
2:11.9	relationship structures out there. Some people are able to navigate polyamory or having multiple partners. And this is more
2:21.5	about people who are in a monogamous relationship and they're experiencing infidelity. So affairs,
2:29.8	like I said, they may seem like they're about sex or they're about relationship dissatisfaction,
2:37.5	but sometimes it's actually much more deep. And I would say probably the majority of the time
2:43.9	that affairs are actually happening based on the inner workings of an individual and they can be about being seen and what's
	...

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