EP 531: Why Am I Still Lonely? Understanding Loneliness Through the Attachment Style Lens

Let’s Get Vulnerable: Relationship and Dating Advice

Dr. Morgan Anderson

Mental Health, Relationships, Society & Culture, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness, Education

4.6 • 1.1K Ratings

🗓️ 7 April 2025

⏱️ 27 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

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Let’s get honest—loneliness is something we all feel at times, even when we’re “doing the work” or surrounded by people.

In this episode, I’m breaking down why that happens by looking at loneliness through the lens of attachment theory.

Your attachment style—whether it’s anxious, avoidant, disorganized, or secure—shapes how you experience loneliness, how you respond to it, and what you believe it means about you.

I get personal and real about the experience of missing a partner, navigating connection, and how to build fulfilling friendships and community when you're in a season of solitude.

Here’s what I talk about:

Why loneliness hits harder with anxious attachment (hint: it's tied to self-worth)
How avoidant attachment leads to emotional distraction and disconnection
The chaotic cycle of craving connection but fearing it in disorganized attachment
What secure attachment looks like when navigating solitude and loneliness
The grief that comes with not having a partner (and why it’s valid)
How to build friendships from a securely attached place
The power of hobbies and purpose when you’re feeling alone

You will love this episode, make sure you share it with someone who needs to hear it.

If you are feeling called to do the healing work, please know you do not need to do it alone.

The Empowered.Secure.Loved. Relationship Program ™ is designed to help you rewire your brain and help you embody secure attachment so you can easily attract the relationships you deserve, and attain the life you truly want.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Morgan Anderson, psychologist, relationship coach, attachment theory expert, creator of the ESL relationship method, author of Love Magnet and Athletic Wear Connoisseur. My mission is to help you raise yourself worth, have great relationships, and step confidently into the next level of your life.
0:22.3	Each week, two episodes will air featuring expert advice, live coaching, and tips, showing you
0:28.4	exactly how to improve your life and attract a healthy relationship. You deserve to feel empowered,
0:34.8	secure, and love. Buckle up and let's get vulnerable.
0:41.8	Welcome to the Let's Get Vulnerable podcast.
0:44.8	I'm your host, Dr. Morgan.
0:47.0	Today's episode is here by popular demand.
0:50.1	I've had a lot of you reaching out to me about this.
0:53.0	We're going to talk about loneliness and understanding loneliness from an attachment theory
0:58.7	lens because so many of you have been sending me DMs asking me questions about how do
1:05.3	I cope with loneliness.
1:07.9	So let's talk about it.
1:09.1	I want you to know I get it. So many of you,
1:11.8	you're working on yourself, you're doing all the things, all the self-love practices.
1:16.5	Maybe you're crushing your goals in so many ways, but for some reason, the loneliness is still
1:22.2	there. I've been there. I know what that feels like. And you will understand that loneliness is going to hit you
1:30.8	differently based on your attachment style. So we're going to look at how you'll respond to loneliness
1:36.5	based on your attachment style. And also, how do we frame it? How do we frame it differently? How can it actually be a source of motivation or a
1:49.4	source of opportunity, even the grieving, the pain that can come from loneliness? How do we have it
1:58.9	help us on our journey? Okay. So this is for you. Maybe you've been
2:03.4	struggling. Maybe you're like, oh my God, January and February, March knocked me out. Q1 was rough.
2:11.2	I spent a lot of time crying on my couch watching season eight of love is blind and running Point. Okay, I hear you. I got you.
	...

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