Ep. 52: Moving In Or Sussing Out Whether To Commit?
The Baggage Reclaim Sessions
Natalie Lue
4.9 • 867 Ratings
🗓️ 30 September 2016
⏱️ 57 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
In this episode, Natalie talks about being motivated to move in with a partner for financial or practical reasons or because you're trialling out whether you want to commit to that person. Plus, Nat talks about why it's not a good idea to seek admiration, approval and validation, and why we don't need to advertise our insecurities and old hurt.
This week's listener question is about whether it's wrong to give up on falling in love again or whether loved ones are wrong for pressuring about being in a relationship in the future, and Natalie shares what she learned this week.
If We Give Up On Love, We Give Up On Ourselves http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/if-we-give-up-on-love-we-give-up-on-ourselves/
Email: podcast@baggagereclaim.com
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You're listening to episode 52 of the Baggage Reclaim sessions. |
| 0:05.0 | I'm your host Natalie Lou, offer of Baggage reclaim.com, |
| 0:09.0 | where I help people to offload the shady relationships and emotional baggage that block healthy self-esteem and loving relationships. |
| 0:17.0 | This week I talk about why it's not a good idea to seek admiration and approval. |
| 0:24.0 | Plus, I talk about why living together really shouldn't be about trying out before you buy. |
| 0:33.0 | When I talk to people who have broken up with somebody who they lived with |
| 0:38.0 | what becomes evidence as the story unfolds is that each party had different ideas about what living together was about. |
| 0:48.3 | One party typically had the idea that living together was a form of commitment, that they were living together because |
| 0:58.0 | they were committed to each other and that commitment would continue to take other forms. |
| 1:04.0 | Whereas the other party might have been thinking something along the lines of, |
| 1:10.0 | living together was a trial to see if they wanted to commit at all or to see if they |
| 1:16.7 | wanted to commit in other ways. So it's not necessarily that they didn't see themselves |
| 1:22.0 | as committed at all, but it's like, |
| 1:23.7 | do you know what? I like you a lot, I love you even, but I'm not sure if I wanted to commit to you |
| 1:28.6 | forever and ever, but I know what, I will live with you for a while and then we'll kind of see how that goes. |
| 1:34.0 | As you can see, if two people move in together and they each have different ideas about what that |
| 1:41.4 | living together actually entails, the motivations for each of them are very different. |
| 1:47.0 | That can really start to show a real difference in core values, and it can really affect the stability the sort of the long-term |
| 1:56.4 | really progression of that relationship because it's two people who look like they're doing something together but actually |
| 2:04.9 | their mindset and attitude really reflects quite different directions. |
| 2:10.3 | Living together isn't a sort of a let's pretend you know an opportunity to play act at being in a relationship because you know when you choose to live with somebody |
| 2:20.8 | Getting into close quarters with them it doesn't have to mean that living together |
... |
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