Yeah, so there are a couple of areas where I was feeling that sense of suffering most.

One was in the uncertainty I was feeling in my marriage.

And the other was the sense of uncertainty I was feeling with regards to existential questions.

What I was trying to do was find a ground of certainty again. I had it at one point. I had the sense of

certainty in my beliefs, that I had the right beliefs, that they were the only right ones. I have that sense of certainty at some

point for some time in my marriage with this is my eternal companion or this is my there was a lot of sense of certainty that sure it can be rocky but this is a,

this is a, you know, an eternal thing that's happening and then that gave me a level of comfort.

But when the ground kind of shook and a couple of pieces shifted that made me question

whether or not there was certainty in that, it was really difficult.

Suddenly I found myself kind of falling in that sense of a free fall where there was no solid ground.

There was nothing that I could just rely on as a certain thing anymore.

And the more I fell, the more I wanted to stop the fall.

I wanted there to be some kind of a saving parachute,

you know, that would say it's all going to be okay.

And I wasn't finding it and I kind of went into this searching mode the seeking

seeking security. So one of the things that happened first was I started

questioning my own beliefs thinking well what if this isn't what what I

always thought it was or how would I even know if that sense of feeling this is true.

How do I know something is true?

Like I started to get stuck in that philosophical mind.

And, um...

How can I know what is true?

...