At this point, Harry knows Professor Umbridge like the back of his hand. You're listening to the Quibbler podcast, the Harry Potter Book Club for Disciplinarians.

Now, you are going to be doing some lines for me, Mr. Potter. No, not with your quill. You're going to be using a rather special one of mine. Here you are. I want you to write, I must not tell lies. How many times? Oh, as long as it takes for the message to sink in.

I'm Heather Pricewright.

And I'm Alex Dallenberg.

And here we are in possibly the worst chapter in the series.

One of the most upsetting.

This week we read Detention with Dolores and Percy and Padfoot.

In this podcast and this episode in particular, based on the subject matter, you will hear lots of cursing and spoilers.

You will also hear some adult themes.

This week's adult themes are corporal punishment, the glass cliff, procrastination,

hotheads, and epistolary storytelling. Now, Alex, can you tell us what happened this week?

In this week's chapters, everyone is gossiping about Harry's fight with Umbrage. It's not clear

that everyone really believes Harry's story

about dueling with Voldemort in the graveyard. Friend George are testing their products on first

years. Hermione threatens to tell their mom, which friend George see as way below the belt.

Hermione has also taken up knitting. She's knitting hats and socks, too?

I think just hats right now. Yeah, she's knitting hats and leaving them under piles of garbage to

attempt to liberate the house elves. So Hermione is using increasingly extreme tactics in her war for house health liberation.

Everyone continues to get lectured in their classes about the importance of OWLs.

The gang feeds a bunch of wood lice to bowtruckles in Care of Magical Creatures class,

which is being taught by Professor Grubbly Plank because Hagrid is still a wall. Harry asked Grubbly

Plank, where's Hagrid? And she responds with her go-to catchphrase, never you mind.

...