Ep 390 From Betrayal to Building True Intimacy with Matthew & Joanna Raabsmith
Marriage Therapy Radio
MTR
4.6 • 690 Ratings
🗓️ 16 September 2025
⏱️ 41 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
Zach sits down with Matthew and Joanna Raabsmith, co-founders of the RaabSmith Team, to talk about their journey from betrayal and addiction to building a thriving marriage and coaching practice.
They share candidly about Matthew’s struggles with sex addiction and pornography, Joanna’s experience of betrayal trauma, and the long process of stabilizing their relationship. What began as survival slowly transformed into something deeper, thanks to radical honesty, acceptance, and the development of their “Pyramid of Intimacy,” which helps couples rebuild step by step from honesty to safety, trust, vulnerability, and finally intimacy.
Now leading a team of couples who help other couples, Matthew and Joanna demonstrate that it’s possible not only to recover, but to thrive—turning personal pain into a pathway for others.
Key Takeaways
- Addiction doesn’t define the whole story - Matthew explains how accepting his past, rather than hiding it, became the turning point toward freedom and connection.
- Betrayal trauma is real - Joanna describes how deception and secrecy shattered her sense of safety, and why naming betrayal trauma was key to healing.
- Honesty is the foundation - Their “Pyramid of Intimacy” begins with honesty, because trust and connection can’t exist without it.
- Recovery takes time and practice - Small, consistent acts of honesty, even about little things, helped restore safety and rebuild intimacy.
- Second chances can be stronger - Their “second ‘I do’” is richer and more meaningful than the first, because it’s grounded in truth and intentionality.
- Purpose, passion, and play fuel intimacy - They emphasize that thriving couples cultivate not just survival, but shared joy and adventure.
Guest Info
Matthew and Joanna RaabSmith
Founders of the RaabSmith Team, Matthew and Joanna are authors, speakers, and coaches specializing in betrayal recovery and intimacy building. Their book Building True Intimacy outlines their Pyramid of Intimacy framework. Together, they lead a team of couples who have walked through betrayal and now help others find honesty, healing, and deeper connection.
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Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | Hey everybody, welcome and thank you for listening to this episode of Marriage Therapy Radio. |
| 0:05.4 | My name is Zach Breddle. I'm here today with Matthew and Joanna Rabsmith. We're talking about |
| 0:09.8 | sexual addiction and the recovery from that, what it's like for couples who go through this process, |
| 0:15.5 | not just of grappling with the addiction itself, but what it means to kind of pave your way back. |
| 0:22.5 | I think there are going to be a lot of people listening for whom this is a really important |
| 0:25.7 | topic. And the good news is that they have an opportunity you can work with them in the context |
| 0:31.1 | of their coaching practice. They have a blog. They've written a book. But I was more interested |
| 0:35.8 | to hear about just about how they did it personally together. |
| 0:39.1 | And I get to learn a lot from both of them, and I think you will too. |
| 0:43.5 | Before we get to the interview, I just want to raise a flag about one thing that's coming up for |
| 0:47.3 | me in November. I'm going to be teaching the relational life therapy boot camp in Philadelphia |
| 0:53.6 | on November 8th and 9th. |
| 0:56.8 | If you're in the area or if you want to travel to come spend two days working through |
| 1:01.9 | the principles and practices of relational life therapy, try and get back on the path to fierce |
| 1:07.0 | intimacy, I'd love to have you. |
| 1:09.3 | Yeah, just shoot me a note. |
| 1:10.2 | Write me at info at marriage therapy radio.com and I to have you. Yeah, just shoot me a note. Write me at info at |
| 1:11.0 | marriage therapy radio.com and I will get you some information about that. I would love to have |
| 1:15.8 | you join me. It's a great event. It was really powerful for Rebecca and I. Any of you who might |
| 1:21.9 | be in Northern Virginia or Maryland or Delaware or South Jersey or the Philadelphia area, |
| 1:26.0 | come out. Come out. Come see me. I love to meet you |
| 1:28.0 | and help you work through some of this. But for now, I want to talk to Matthew and Joanna |
... |
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