With tensions building between the United States and North Korea, we now take you live to the

Congress of the Workers' Party of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea, where party chairman and

supreme leader Kim Jong-un is speaking. I'll supply the translation.

Thank you very much for that warm welcome. Without which I would have had all of you put to death.

In fact, I noticed my dear friend Kim Jong-un, Kim was the first to stop applauding, so obviously

he and his wife and children will be tortured and then shot. I always like to start these speeches with a little

few more. I come to you today at a time of dangerous crisis to issue you blustering threats and

overblown braggadocio while you applaud wildly or die. You were choice.

If the United States continues its acts of aggression and attempt to prevent me from acquiring nuclear weapons,

just because I'm completely out of my mind, I will either respond with a show of force greater than

anything the world has ever known or I'll shoot off a rocket that sputters around wildly like a

leaking balloon and then falls harmlessly into the sea. I'm not yet sure which.

But believe me whether I destroy the known universe or blow my own foot off,

you will cheer wildly as if I did something wonderful or take a bay in that war.

The point I'm trying to make is that no matter what happens, you will continue cheering or I will kill you.

It's a problem we face today is that America's former president, Barack Obama, is gone.

So we're no longer dealing with a mincing girly man who might slap around and abuse

and almost as I would my own mother. Now the Americans have Trump and I am here to tell you

he is one crazy white man. No I'm serious. You think I'm nuts, this Trump guy is totally out of control

and if we're not careful he could kill us all. He's just that insane. I mean look at his hair for crying out loud,

even his hair is crazy. I know some of you think my hair makes me look like one of those

woolly woolly toys where children use a magnet to put iron filings on a picture of a bald man

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