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Well, it's summer. And you know what that means. It's summer. And as you rush off to vacation

or day at the beach, I know all of you will want to be careful to keep your environmental

impact down to a minimum. I don't give a crap either. But according to an article by Julie

Kelly at National Review, climate scientists are now issuing reports on how to have summer

fun without increasing climate change and without having summer fun. These are real suggestions

from actual climate scientists. A study by researchers at Sweden's Lund University recommends

that you cut down on climate change by having one fewer child. You can accomplish this by

putting little Timmy in the backseat of the SUV, waiting down the gas pedal with a brick,

and then jumping out from behind the wheel just before the car goes over a cliff. If the

police becomes suspicious, just tell them you did it to cut down on climate change. And

also little Timmy wouldn't stop listening to the SpongeBob Squarepants theme song at

top volume over and over again. If the police accuse you of being an hysterical sociopath,

just tell them you got the idea from climate scientists and that should explain it.

Other environmentalist suggestions for how to have non-climate changing summer non-fun

include eating a plant-based diet. You can even grow your own plants such as grass, then feed

the grass to a cow, kill the cow, and have a barbecue. Nothing like some plant-based

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