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Marriage Therapy Radio

Ep 338 Gaslighting or Emotional Invalidation? Understanding the Difference

Marriage Therapy Radio

MTR

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Therapy, Health & Fitness, Marriage, Relationships, Mental Health, Education

4.6 • 690 Ratings

🗓️ 17 September 2024

⏱️ 43 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Zach and Laura discuss the launch of their new book, Reconnect, and how couples can use it to improve their relationship. 


They delve into an in-depth discussion on the concept of gaslighting, clarifying that it involves malicious, intentional manipulation—far different from the common emotional invalidation many couples experience. 


Episode Highlights:

  • How to Use Reconnect: Zach and Laura suggest couples can work through the book slowly, section by section, or use it more casually, dipping into exercises or conversations as needed. They emphasize flexibility in how the book is used to foster meaningful conversations and connection.
  • Gaslighting vs. Emotional Invalidation: They break down the difference between true gaslighting and more common relational behaviors, like emotional invalidation. They stress that many couples mislabel situations as gaslighting when, in fact, they involve misunderstandings or disagreements about past events.
  • Parallel Universes Technique: Zach shares a therapeutic approach where he helps couples understand that their different realities may never align. He introduces the idea of “parallel universes” as a way for partners to acknowledge each other’s feelings without requiring complete agreement on the facts.

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    Transcript

    Click on a timestamp to play from that location

    0:00.0

    Hey everybody, welcome, and thank you for listening to this episode of Marriage Therapy Radio.

    0:06.2

    My name is Zach. I'm here with Laura. I actually just got back from Laura's place. I was down and

    0:10.2

    Bend this last weekend with her talking about the art and science of love workshop that we do together

    0:15.1

    for the Gottman Institute. That was a great time. We talked a little bit about the pre-planning for that trip.

    0:22.1

    I can tell you that it was good.

    0:23.5

    All the pre-planning we did turned out to be a great time. We're still really excited about the release of our book, Reconnect, which you'll hear about in this episode. If you haven't picked that up already, please go to Maricesterapyradio.com and click on the link that we have there. That's our affiliate link, so that provides a little bit of a kickback to the show.

    0:37.7

    Also, rolling out a lot of really cool Patreon content.

    0:40.5

    Our book club started last week, which I'm very excited about. And next week, we start with our episodes of So I Married a relationship expert. I think the first one is me and Rebecca, which is kind of exciting. In this episode, Laura and I are talking about a lot of things,

    0:54.7

    as we do, but there's a topic that's been on my mind lately that I've been trying to explore more,

    0:59.7

    and it's really this idea of gaslighting. What is it? How does it work? Is it the right word?

    1:05.1

    I describe an intervention that I used with the client recently that is probably among the most

    1:10.0

    bizarre interventions that I've come across in my that is probably among the most bizarre interventions

    1:11.5

    that I've come across in my years as a therapist.

    1:14.2

    But it worked out quite nicely.

    1:15.9

    And it opened up some questions for the couple, for me, for Laura and I.

    1:20.2

    And we talk about it here.

    1:21.2

    This is a very cool conversation.

    1:22.8

    Stick around.

    1:25.1

    You guys, the book came out.

    1:26.6

    And it's pretty cool. Like people buying the book, they're reviewing the book, and it's pretty cool.

    1:28.0

    Like, people buying the book, they're reviewing the book, which is, like, really cool.

    1:32.5

    And Laura, I want to tell you, I got a text message this morning from Matt Frey.

    ...

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