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Marriage Therapy Radio

Ep 337 Mustaches, Misunderstandings, and Managing Defensiveness

Marriage Therapy Radio

MTR

Self-improvement, Society & Culture, Therapy, Health & Fitness, Marriage, Relationships, Mental Health, Education

4.6 • 690 Ratings

🗓️ 10 September 2024

⏱️ 34 minutes

🧾️ Download transcript

Summary

Zach is feeling bad that his mustache has garnered very little attention. Laura thinks he should keep it. Zach reports back on his experience with his daughter at the  Dave Matthew's Band show.


They go on to discuss a bit of some conflict they had right before starting to record. It leads to some great insight into managing one's behavior and reactions even when they are a well-worn habit. 


Episode Highlights:

  • Managing Defensiveness and Criticism: Zach and Laura explore the recurring dynamic of defensiveness and criticism in their own friendship, with Zach noting that managing his defensiveness is one of the most important skills for him maintaining a healthy relationship. They emphasize the importance of pausing and choosing how to respond rather than reacting immediately.
  • Confirmation Bias in Relationships: The hosts discuss how confirmation bias can skew perceptions in relationships, using a client story to illustrate how one partner might misinterpret their partner’s behavior based on past experiences. The takeaway is to pause and challenge assumptions, asking open-ended questions instead of jumping to conclusions.
  • Relationships as Growth Machines: Laura mentions a phrase from her colleague that “relationships are human growing machines.” The idea is that relationships constantly challenge us to grow, reflect, and improve. The hosts emphasize that relational growth takes time, patience, and a willingness to embrace discomfort.

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    Transcript

    Click on a timestamp to play from that location

    0:00.0

    Hey, everybody. Welcome. And thank you for listening to this episode of Marriage Therapy Radio. My name is Zach Brittle, me with Laura Heck. This episode comes out on September 10th, which is the same day that our book comes out. It's called Reconnect. It's a Marriage Therapy Workbook. If you have preordered already, it's probably coming to your house today or soon. Maybe it's already there. If you haven't gotten your copy yet, please go please go to Marriage Therapy Radio.com and, uh, click on our link there. That's our affiliate link. And then, if you dig it, you can leave your five-star review on Amazon.com. That'll really help the book, which helps the podcast. And we are grateful for that. The other big thing that's happening this week is we're rolling out some Patreon content for those of you who are enrolled in the Marriage Therapy Radio Book Club. Those emails will start to hit your inbox this week. We also have some special content that we have uploaded today. It's not in this podcast, but Laura and I had a whole discussion about happy endings. So if you're interested in that, all you have to do is be a Patreon member. You can do that again by going to Maritestherpityradio.com and following the links there. Again, we are grateful for your support. In this episode, we start with a little bit of a spat that we work out pretty fast, and then lean into some experiences that we had both personally and professionally that help shape the way that we think about relationships. I hope it will be a good episode for you. So pick up the book. You can do that at marriage serpiradio.com.

    1:12.0

    Become part of our... shape the way that we think about relationships. I hope it will be a good episode for you. So pick up the book.

    1:13.8

    You can do that at marriage therapy.com.

    1:15.7

    Become part of our Patreon community.

    1:16.9

    You can do that at marriage therapy radio.com.

    1:17.5

    And I hope you'll take away something valuable from this podcast, which you can do right here.

    1:21.2

    This is a very cool conversation.

    1:22.6

    Stick around.

    1:24.6

    I do have a beef that I'm mad about with both you and Rebecca, which is I've been growing this butthole mustache for like a month and a half and nobody has said one word.

    1:37.2

    Yeah.

    1:37.7

    Look at it.

    1:38.4

    It's so gross.

    1:40.2

    No, here's what happens.

    1:41.3

    I actually really like it when you grow your mustache, but you have to shave the sides. If you want, anybody didn't notice. For like, for almost since the beginning of. Bick it. Bick it. No. Yep. Yep. Your face looks great. Let's see more face, more mustache. Anyway, I'm about ready to give this mustache because it hasn't paid me any dividends. Not one person has mentioned it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Now I can taste it in the pool. When I swim, it comes into my mouth. Okay. It's gross. Yeah. Maybe Rebecca doesn't want to give it any. Maybe she's you a message that we're passing back and forth like

    2:17.8

    yeah um she's i still she still doesn't she still doesn't say anything about it i had a session yesterday

    2:27.3

    and we we were talking about ooze and oz and oz and o'n'as and just how important it is for like for

    2:33.1

    you to ask for usze and oz.

    2:35.2

    Because there's so many things.

    2:36.7

    I mean, your mustache, sure, maybe you need some oozanaz.

    2:39.7

    I compliment you.

    2:42.1

    I make some passive aggressive criticisms about your appearance.

    2:45.7

    I mean, I talk about your appearance a lot.

    ...

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