EP 334: Reader Question - Why can’t I call myself sober?

This Naked Mind Podcast

Annie Grace

Mental Health, Education, Self-improvement, Health & Fitness

4.7 • 2.7K Ratings

🗓️ 21 November 2020

⏱️ 11 minutes

🔗️ Recording | iTunes | RSS

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Summary

In today’s episode, Annie Grace answers a question from a reader feeling judged by her boyfriend who doesn’t want her to refer to herself as “sober.” What is the definition of sober and who decides what we call ourselves? Can’t anyone who doesn’t drink identify as sober? Or, are there prerequisites for using the label? Annie shares her take on labels such as sobriety and recovery.

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Transcript

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0:00.0	This is Annie Grace and you're listening to this naked mind podcast where without
0:15.2	judgment, pain or rules, we explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture.
0:20.2	Hey, it's Annie Grace. I am answering readers questions and I'm going to just dive right
0:33.2	into it today if you can hear me because I have somewhere to be in just a few minutes
0:38.8	but I really, I saw this one come through and I really wanted to get on an answer because
0:42.6	it is one that I think is really worth a response and so it says, hi Annie, things are all
0:48.9	your work. I've been getting sober through this naked mind in the July live alcohol experiment
0:52.9	and it's changing my life. One of my only issues I'm having is in advocating the strange
0:57.4	world of semantics in the alcohol-free community. My boyfriend and I have been together for
1:01.7	three and a half years and we just moved in together. He got sober five and a half years
1:06.0	ago through AA when we were only 19 years old and he still goes to meetings weekly. I was
1:10.7	talking to him about my journey with alcohol and quitting and he says he prefers it if I don't
1:14.4	call myself sober but rather just say I don't drink. I asked him why and he explained that
1:19.3	to him, sober people are those people who use a 12-step program, go to meetings and had
1:23.8	a very tumultuous path with alcohol. I expressed him that this only reinforces the idea that
1:28.5	there's normal drinkers and alcoholics and that I felt invalidated in my experiences
1:32.8	with alcohol just because I didn't have a drastic rock bottom and I have no desire to
1:37.1	go to AA. I want to feel understood and supported in my journey to stay alcohol-free for good
1:42.0	and I feel that his outlook on things is almost like gatekeeping sobriety for those who do
1:46.1	it in a certain way. To me it shouldn't matter what I call myself the fact that I'm not
1:49.6	drinking today or for the foreseeable future should be enough. How do you recommend going
1:53.4	about this in my relationship with him? Thank you. First of all, it is very interesting.
	...

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