This week I talk about why some of us are over responsible and what we can do to start to change it.

Plus, I help a listener understand why you either have on

the one nightstand hat or the relationship hat, but not both. I'm Natalie Lou, a writer

based in Southeast London who is dedicated to helping people to improve their emotional and relationship literacy.

Let's kick this off.

I remember being a kid back in the 80s and 90s and people would write

personal ads you know to go in the newspaper and they would often have G.S-O-H which obviously stands for good sense of humor.

And even back then I found it fascinating that people would specify about somebody having a good sense of humor because it was like of all the things that you could ask for in a partner like why is that such a focus like a good sense of humor doesn't really tell you

anything about somebody's character. I mean yes it does mean potentially that

that person is very fun but does that mean that they're the right person for you for

a relationship? And so in this first part of the show,

I want to talk about personality versus character

because I get to hear and read so many stories about dating and relationships.

And one of the things that become so apparent is that a lot of people think that

personality and character are the same thing when they so very much are not. And what happens then is that the

positive associations that they have with certain personality traits means that they then correlate those who are in fact over correlate those with other things that they think that a person who has that type of personality is going to have in terms of character and

overall values. And actually personality is about persona and so it's really about the characteristics and qualities that we want to put across.

And so if we want to come across in a certain type of way, then that is the type of personality that we're going to come across in a certain type of way then that is the type of personality

that we're going to put across. Some people you know will put across that

they're charming that they're easygoing that they are the life and soul but you

know I can think of and that's in my own life a number of people who would be regarded as the life

and soul of the party but actually who behind closed quite a lot of stuff. I mean I'm sure there are a number of listeners who can think of at least one person who people were shocked when they found out that that person was depressed or had even gone through something far worse and people would say

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