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In view of today's onslaught of news, I think the usual opening monologue is kind of insufficient.

So instead I've come up with a selection of alternative responses. These include flabbergasted

stammering, gobs max stuttering, wide eyed tongue hanging out, drooling followed by fear-induced

teeth chattering, and then convulsions causing me to fall over sideways and curl up into the

fetal position while sucking my thumb and whimpering. Or I could simply rely on weeping quietly,

slowly devolving into hysterical sobbing, followed by whining, followed by the end of

the American Republic, followed by the death of Western civilization, followed by our

happy go lucky theme song. I think I'll go with that last one. I'm Andrew Clayvin, and

this is the Andrew Clayvin Show.

Who Ray Harass and incredibly crappy news. I was thinking of just coming in just staring

wide eyed, depressed into the camera for 30 minutes. But we can't do that. We've got

cardiologists. Dr. Michael Accad was going to discuss the future of health care, assuming

there is a future. We're probably going to fall. And first, you know, in my copious spare

time, what I call my copious spare time, which is actually my other profession, I'm coming

to the end of writing a novel and so this incredible news onslaught and the fact when you

come to the end of writing a novel it is just an incredible amount of mental labor.

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