Ep. 29 - Clean pain vs dirty pain
How to Get Over Your Ex
Dorothy AB Johnson
4.7 • 577 Ratings
🗓️ 30 March 2020
⏱️ 11 minutes
🧾️ Download transcript
Summary
There are two types of pain going on during heartbreak. We have clean pain which is the typical grief, sadness and loss we experience with heartbreak but I also see a secondary pain that is being compounded which holds us back from actually getting over our ex and moving on. That pain is called "dirty pain" where we tend to shame ourselves because we are even experiencing emotional suffering in the first place.
In this episode:
- What is clean pain vs dirty pain?
- How do I know if I'm experiencing dirty pain?
- What do I do about it?
Transcript
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| 0:00.0 | You are listening to How to Get Over Your Ex, episode number 29, clean pain versus dirty pain. |
| 0:19.9 | Welcome to How to Get Over Your Ex, a podcast on getting over your ex without it just taking time. |
| 0:22.2 | I'm your host, breakup coach Dorothy. Let's turn your pain into power and your heartbreak |
| 0:26.7 | into happy. Hello, brave hearts. So I hope you're having a beautiful day today. I want to talk to you about the two types of pain |
| 0:40.6 | I see my clients going through so that you can see that and what it, you know, what kind of pain |
| 0:46.5 | you're creating for yourself and how it's impacting your life. So we're just going to die right in |
| 0:53.1 | today. So the past two weeks, I have been coaching 30 hours a week. |
| 0:58.2 | Typically, that's 10 clients and, I'm sorry, 20 clients and 10 consults. |
| 1:03.3 | So within those consults, the majority of what I'm seeing happening is that there are two types of pain coming up and when I say pain I'm |
| 1:13.3 | talking about like emotional suffering of sorts or like emotional pain not physical |
| 1:18.5 | pain so I want to talk about those so they would be experiencing the clean pain |
| 1:27.3 | right of a breakup that being they feel sadness |
| 1:30.8 | they feel loss grief the emotions i talk about in the grief bubble episode if you haven't checked |
| 1:35.7 | that out so it's like where they're genuinely just mourning the loss of a significant |
| 1:41.6 | relationship and person in their life, right? |
| 1:44.2 | Mourning the loss of someone who's still alive, which in my mind is more difficult than |
| 1:48.7 | mourning someone who's actually physically passed. |
| 1:50.7 | So now that pain is what I term clean pain. |
| 1:56.3 | Pain that I would expect to see in a breakup, those emotions are still coming from their thoughts, |
| 2:01.9 | right? Such as I miss that person, I'm sad this ended, I'm going to miss having this person in |
| 2:07.1 | my life, things like that. Thoughts are still creating those emotions, but it's totally normal |
| 2:13.6 | that they are experiencing those emotions and no matter how long it's been, you know, |
... |
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