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Those of you who still follow world events through the mainstream media may find you're beginning to have some serious questions.

Like, why is that big head on my television screen lying to me all the time?

Why is everything I know about the news completely untrue?

And how can I can't get a date?

But perhaps the most important question that is troubling followers of mainstream news is,

are the Russians good or bad? If they're bad, what's bad about them? And if they're good, why don't they speak English like normal people?

The history of Russia is told by the mainstream media is very complex.

In the old days, Russia was good because they helped us defeat the Nazis who were bad,

which was good, but then bad because then the Russians murdered millions of people and enslaved everybody,

which can't be good. During the 60s, the Russians were good because America was bad,

because America was fighting communism, which was good, which was bad.

The fighting, I mean, was bad, because when America was fighting communism, you could get sent to war and killed,

and that was bad because you were good.

Then Ronald Reagan was elected, and he was very bad because he was Republican.

So when he said the Russians were bad, they must have been good.

Reagan said the Russians were so bad that their country would collapse,

...