I'm Natalie Lou and you're listening to the baggage reclaim sessions.

Hello hello hello hello. How are you doing?

Something I find fascinating about breakups is how often no matter the breakup, no matter what precipitated it or even the true nature of the relationship, many people break

their self-esteem and their hearts trying to be friends with their exes.

Grieving the loss of a relationship is tough enough,

but the quest to be friends,

or even being on the receiving end of pressure to switch to friendship can not only prolong

our agony, possibly making what was already a bad situation even worse but can also impact our sense of self and our ability

to helpfully forge subsequent romantic relationships.

The truth is, if more of us felt our feelings were honest at least with ourselves

about where we've settled for less or even where we've tolerated questionable, shady, or even downright abusive behavior,

many a friendship with an ex would die and immediate death.

But because of our societal obsession with being well thought of.

And because we take breakup so personally

that we regard them as a failure that we need to make up for

with the Friendship Consolation Prize to reassure ourselves that were not that bad?

We then forge and force fake friendships with exes that cause us to exploit ourselves or to be exploited.

Now let's be clear. I'm not saying that being friends with an ex is wrong. Of course I'm not. Plenty of people have

genuine friendships with their exes, as in mutual relationships between friends

without a hidden agenda. What I am saying is people pleasing and

calling it being friends with our ex can seriously impact our emotional mental

physical and spiritual well-being

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