The Statue of Liberty is weeping over the sad fate of poor misunderstood terrorists and criminals who are being denied the constitutional rights they would have if they were allowed to stay in our country, which President Donald Trump is trying to prevent causing the Statue of Liberty to weep even more.

In an emotional press conference before a group of whaling and lamenting journalists, a sobbing Senate Democrat leader Chuck Schumer barely managed to choke out the news that the Statue of Liberty has been in a state of near-emotional collapse, ever since the President began his attempts to enforce immigration laws and improve the vetting of refugees.

The sniveling and blubbering Schumer told the keen and whimpering journalists that the Statue had been absolutely prostrate with emotion over the White House policies.

She's been drinking heavily and was even rumored to be holding her antidepressants under her enormous tongue and then storing the pills inside her immense copper mattress after the gigantic Statues of psychiatric nurses left her room.

Schumer says many of Liberty's gigantic Statue friends are afraid she will do something desperate and the idea that suicide might deprive New York Harbor of its most famous landmark,

Schumer to drop down onto his stomach pounding the floor with his fists and kicking it repeatedly with his loafers until he sent up a cry so full of grief that bawling reporters said it was enough to make a stone shed tears if the stone happened to work for the news media and was a moral idiot, but I repeat myself.

Gigantic Statues of Psychiatrists have traced the cause of the Statue of Liberty's emotional problems to her compassionate concern for suffering Islamic refugees whose only crime is to believe in a religion that wants all of us dead.

House Democrat leader Nancy Pelosi, who was either shrieking in sorrow or speaking in her normal voice, it was difficult to tell.

Issued a statement saying quote, this country believes in freedom of religion and that's true whether your religion worships a God of universal love or a warrior demon God who wants to sacrifice the reason and well-being of mankind to preserve the violence, small-minded and vengeful primitivism of the most dysfunctional societies on the planet.

After all, Pelosi added, all religions are a path to truth just because some of those paths are strewn with mutilated corpses is no reason to bar people from our country.

According to reports from the home for mentally disturbed Gigantic Statues, the Statue of Liberty is also distraught over the fate of innocent Mexicans who are being accused of being criminals simply because they broke the law.

Reports say the Statue of Liberty cries herself to sleep at night, then slips off her pedestal and falls into the harbor where upon she wakes to find herself soaking and miserable and balls like a gigantic copper child.

Lady Liberty, Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer and other over-emotional women are scheduled to meet next week, they say they'll have a good cry together, then go shopping.

Trigger Warning, I'm Andrew Klavin and this is The Andrew Klavin Show.

All right, I just barely managed to get through that but Cynthia and Glue, what a great job she is doing illustrating these opens.

I mean, they really have anything that distracts you from me, I think, ups the quality of the show.

So we're going to have some dancing girls and bring them in, but meanwhile Cynthia is doing a great job illustrating the openings.

All right, so the media are now, we have to say, are, some media is a plural, the media are now an open war against the president.

It is the media versus the people's choice and the media had a good week.

After eight years, eight years of betraying every journalistic principle in order to prop up an incompetent president in the name of his leftist policies and because they wanted the first black president to be a good president rather than a terrible president which he turned out to be.

The media suddenly wakes up and oh my goodness, I remember we're supposed to be journalists, we're supposed to attack the people in power and they're after Trump and they had a good week.

Michael Flynn quit, they consider this, they obviously consider this a scalp, they love it, they really got it.

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