Everybody is suddenly worried about the hauntavirus.

But I gotta be honest, as a nation full to the brim with backstabbing rats,

I really think we should have seen this one coming.

An outbreak on a cruise ship, apparently caused by some Dutch boomer

who went birdwatching in an Argentinian garbage dump has people panicked.

But the World Health Organization has assured us this will not be a repeat of the COVID pandemic.

Moderna is already working on a vaccine.

So what are you worried about?

But just to be safe, they've already started sending passengers back to the United States.

Because what's the difference?

Nothing is real anymore.

The Pentagon's UFO document dump was supposed to make us question the very existence of God.

But it turned out to be the same blurry shit we've been fapping to for decades.

It's obviously an attempt to distract from the Epstein files, the price of gasoline, and the

upcoming war with the Vatican.

But the lack of effort is surprising.

But it's also the point.

We're no longer important enough to lie to.

Soon, nothing will make sense.

You can't trust the news.

All of your friends will be feds.

And your only guide through this fractured reality will be a constantly hallucinating chatbot which will gaslight you into

...